A couple of nights ago I was cathing little Lo(we cath her every 4 hours..) and we were talking like we usually do...she is a major talker!!
And then she asked it~ the one question I have been dreading all her 4.5 years.
"Mommy, um..why do I have Spina Bifida?" My heart sank, and I almost welled up in tears..but I didn't cause I know if I do then she will see that I am sad that she has it too. And I need her to love herself for who she is, not WHAT she is.
Me: Well honey, because God made you that way...
Lo: Well, why doesn't Bug have Spina Bifida?
Me: cause God made her the way she is too...... from this point on it got a little worse..and honestly I was barely holding it together....
Lo: I want to be like Bug....I don't want to have SB....
Me: Honey,(whispers..) me either..(she didn't hear that) God made you extra special, and I love YOU the way you are. It's good to be different!! But if you want to you can pray to God, to tell him how you feel...
Lo: Ok mama, "God, please make me like Bug"..........in Jesus' name..Amen...
Lo: Mama? Me: yes baby...
Lo: Do you think God will make me like Bug while I'm sitting here in your arms????
Me: I'm not sure honey... Lo: Stretching out her legs....do I still have Spina Bifida? Me: sadly....yes sweety...I love you Logan!
This has been heart breaking for me....I know it's going to get worse as she gets older, but man oh man..it's tearing me up inside......
I hope I will be more prepared the next time something like this comes up....or at least ask daddy the next questions!! 
xoxo
kristan
7 comments:
What a beautiful little girl. Your post brought tears to my eyes.
Poor sweet baby! Wow, that is a tough one! She is usually so positive and never really seems to be bothered that she can't do some of the things her sister & other kids do...I guess she's just getting to an age where the differences are starting to stand out a little more. I hope her positive attitude stays with her and she realizes what a special girl she is! She is lucky that she (and all of your girls) has so many people who love her so much!
Oh, and you can tell her that Aunt Jan thinks God made her extra sweet to make up for the SB! :)
Bless her little heart! She has no idea what a ray of sunshine she is to everyone who knows her!! You're doing a great job Mama! :)
~Trish
tears, tears and more tears
That breaks my heart! Encourage her faith like you did; I always have my kids pray for themselves when they are sick.
I think you said everything just right to her; you are a special mommy! :-)
What a heartbreaking conversation to have with your little one!! I think you handled it wonderfully! She's gorgeous - love that smile!
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